Letting Go of Victim Mentality

It’s so easy to get into a pattern. Most likely, our patterns can show up pretty similarly from one day to the next even one year to the next. One very common pattern that likes to show up for many of us is the “victim” mentality. It is a pattern that we can spiral down for YEARS! You can spy it by the woe-is-me attitude and it has and the potential for self-sabotage. It has many masks and many stories, but one thing is for sure, if we are stuck in victim mentality all of our energy goes into proving ourselves that we in some way are powerless. Victim mentality shows up in various ways and sometimes it is masked as a way to defend ourselves. We often like to use it as a way to protect ourselves because it has this alluring programming that tells us that if we stay a victim we will be safer.

When we have been hurt in any way and haven’t properly dealt with that hurt, the pain often turns into a fight or a flight mode that can switch on at any moment even long after the hurt was done. I like to say that the victim is the flight mode because we “flee” to a safer part of ourselves. Maybe this part of ourselves is a perfectionist or maybe this part of ourselves is quiet and won’t get us in trouble. What ends up being left is not us, but some version of us that makes up stories to make us believe that we are powerless. Now, I say this knowing that there are so many situations that we are in fact powerless over, but what happens to us does not define who we are at our core. However, in the midst of the situation, especially if we were young, we did not have the tools or the skill set to properly help ourselves, which… yes, makes us feel powerless and begins the tape… This tape may play for a number of reasons. Some of us may know why it plays, some of us may not have a clue.

This whole idea of healing is a process. When we are so used to pain and feeling pain it becomes normal to us. When we are used to feeling small, there’s something about it that feels safe, but we miss out on so much life because of it. Our victim likes to tell us we are not strong, but I am here to tell you that you are.One of my favorite quotes to remember is this: “The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own. No apologies or excuses and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is the day your life really begins.” Bob Moawad